Who's the Team?

Who is Mommy's favorite team?

Get the deets on all your favorite team members! Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? Who put the 'bop' in the 'bop shoo bop'? Who is a good little boy or girl? Inquiring minds want to know!

Last known members of the fugitive improv team known as Kwardawks

"Am I… am I the one who has to break Lance’s legs?"

Eugene Holowacz

Eugene grew up in Brooklyn, NY during the 90’s. Please excuse his grumpy demeanor, he’s really a softie who loves to put smiles on people’s face. His retirement plan is a glorious mix of World of Warcraft and weightlifting while living on an artist commune with his buddies! Despite often hearing from friends that he is a unique soul, persistent rumors remain that he and Elliott are the same person.

"Caked up platy swiping right on my tinder profile, the dream"

Elliott Doza

Elliott loves entertaining and making people laugh, just not at his house, that is his hermitage. His interests are eclectic; he’s been a historical fencer, haunted house clown, public transit planner, and an avid roleplaying gamer. Oh, maybe he’s just a nerd. He may look serious and grumpy at times, but is always up for a chat. Come say hi! Just don’t confuse him for Eugene, or suffer a curse.

"That is awesome. I would throw myself on the ground less… probably"

Kieta Wheeler

Kieta’s pre-show hype music is 90s hip hop or sea shanties. They know all the words to It was a Good Day by Ice Cube, because they are nothing if not a gangster (of a middle aged nerd). They deeply appreciate gallows humor and are probably writing a joke about their dead parents as you’re reading this. Friends describe them as Chaotic Good, despite deep aspirations of neutrality. They’ve read enough romantasy books to have completely warped all of their brain cells, but occasionally atone for this with literary fiction. When Kieta was a child, they loved to read books so much that their parents’ preferred punishment was taking away reading. They still wonder if their parents ever figured out that they just hid books under the bathroom sink and pretended to have “tummy troubles”.

"If there are better choices, that means there's a best choice"

Lance Beachy

Lance would like to live in an artist commune with his friends and mistakenly believes that cats are perfect animals. He delights in high-effort shitposts and asinine puns. As a music lover, he doesn't just know the words to a song or two. He scorns mere mortals with such limited capacity! He knows most of Starset's catalogue, a good bit of Mothica's and Sleep Token's, along with about 200 or so songs that he listened to at various hard times. His brain is young and spongy and always ready to get worse!

"I’ll do you one better. I didn’t even open it because i was too scared of the questions"

Skye Harper

Skye would be an elephant if she could be any animal and is a big fan of anything Elder Scrolls. She’s not sure how her friends would describe her but knows all the words to any early aughties song, especially by Fall Out Boy. Her favorite snack is Nerds Gummy Clusters and her super power would be teleportation of herself and others/objects. Skye is a night owl but as a day walker loves spending time at the dog park with her dogs. She prefers planning to going with the flow, but still has a propensity for time blindness.

"I haven't seen anything offensive yet, you'll have to try harder"

Bea Prince

Bea’s favorite place to be is out in nature- hiking, kayaking, and birding. She has studied multiple forms of movement and somatic arts over the decades including contact and site-specific improvisation, Alexander Technique, Qigong, frame drumming, and Lindy Hop. While most preteens of her era were busy with ballet lessons and Teen magazine make-up tutorials, Bea could be found either sitting in a tree with a book, and/ or wearing clown make-up and a neck-tutu, for no discernable reason. Though her brain is far from young, she firmly believes in neuroplasticity.

"You drive a hard bargain, but ok"

Mike Poe

Mike’s favorite snack is “the cheapest, worst cookies available” because it is easier to self-regulate if the snack is garbage. When he was young, his parents signed him up for dance classes and he was the only boy. He got so embarrassed that never went back. He notes that being gifted an NES was both the best gift, because it unlocked his inner nerd, and worst gift, because of how productive he could have become. His primary delight is in earning an eyeroll from his wife.

Cast Members Emeritus

Scott Wheeler

Editors note: Kwardawks is a safe space for Wheelers of all sorts.

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